Intro..

So It's been decided for a few weeks now, that I'm going to start blogging again. (Yes, I realize how nerdy that just sounded.) Somewhere deep inside myself, my soul has something to tell me and I plan to figure out what that is. This is just so much easier than journaling sometimes. I don't care if people read this, it's mostly for myself anyways. I've got this new project God gave me. It's called "Drop everything and fall in love with me again, and you'll find the identity that you sadly lost so long ago, and if it hurts a little, sorry, but sometimes you just have to face your giants head on and remember I love you and it's going to be worth it all." I've pretty much been wrecked for God lately, but it's not something I'm really bragging about. I found out all this interesting stuff about myself that I had no idea of before. Like why I do what I do when I let other people pretend to be God, and why I'm so insecure, but ironically you probably would only catch on to that if you only just met me, because I'm better at hiding things once you know me better. (Weird how that works, huh?) I've also learned how the absence and relationship with my father left a different wound than that of most girls. (And no, I'm not blaming my failures on my parents, but seriously, this kinda stuff effects us.) I have a conncetion with certain people that I can't shake regardless of how less complicating my life would be without them there. I've got fears latched on to my passions and some days I honestly can't tell wether I'm coming or going. I find myself mistaking Gods voice for the devils, and the opposite, quite often. I desperatly want to believe in fairy tales because I know my heart was created to live one, but sometimes my mind and sense of security take over and I can't understand what I did to not be worth it. (This however, is obviously a lie. The ironic thing about my life is that I'm great at realizing things, and picking out how the devil trys to hurt me, but I'm still figuring out how to live in freedom. Just being transparent here.) I find a lot of joy in literally getting drunk in the holy spirit. Most people think that's weird, but I don't care because it's pretty much the most legit thing ever. When that poet David was talking about God being intoxicating, he really wasn't kidding. I like to pray for people. I believe in a powerful God who doesn't sit around and let babys get murdered because he needed more angels. I believe in the authority of Jesus, and I've seen my hand full of miracles. I am going to be an amazing strong woman of God. I know because he told me so, and he doesn't lie, so neeeh. This is all just part of the journey. Time doesn't matter to God, and I guess I'm pretty okay with Jesus being my boyfriend.
So Yep, maybe my next blog will be more structured. Maybe not.
-chow[durr]